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176 - that's what I will tell myself, soon.


Those days passed. The four weeks of books passed. The four weeks of memorizing, scribbling, writing notes, crying, hunger etc.; have passed. The past which has passed and somehow makes me sad; with lingering emotions and affections of reading and benefiting my days.

I said to my friend; I wish we could only learn, without having any examinations. I wish we could learn these interesting topics, only.
But my friend replied me; the best thing about examination is; you get to read and appreciate your readings so that it will be forever in your mind and heart. You have that kind of feelings; hoping that it will remain in your head, forever. That is what we call knowledge; one that you treasure, a lot.

I realize those words are so true when I have free times. Like now. Am holiday-ing for a month. A week passed, with uncountable distracting things I have done; and most of them are unproductive.

Finished my half of second year of med school. I bet I’m in love; more and more in this field.
I know it’s really hard. It’s really really hard that crying can be considered as part of this journey. Those who really want to be in this space would never discuss about money, title and position. People in this field talks about how much they are willing to sacrifice themselves; their free time, enjoyment, family etc.

But the overloaded feelings; when the patients are smiling while their bodies are fighting as well as their minds. The feelings make me strong. The feelings make me want to try my best.

I am no a competitor with anyone in this field. I am in a battle with myself; to at least try my best. A battle in focusing and strengthening my soul to keep on moving in this journey. A battle that I must win; in order to keep on going.

I am a doctor.
That’s what I will tell myself.


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Our iman is not constant. Sometime we feel more close with Allah SWT and sometime we don’t. So when you feel your iman is low turn to Allah SWT and ask for His help. Don’t leave salaah; it’s the foundation and it helps to strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT. The emptiness that we feel can only be filled with the love of Allah SWT. When we try to fill that emptiness with something else that can be a love for a person, wealth etc. then it will cause great pain in the end. When we love something more than Allah SWT then it will cause greatest pain. So strive to get closer to Allah SWT. “Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it…