#170 - It is a passion that i lack
For at least they have a most trustable person to share their thoughts. The town of papers and thick books which I love but on the same time I feel like I wanna leave this city. I admit that I'm easy to be approached but it is really hard for me to open up about myself. I can count the persons excluding my family members who knows every REAL things about me. I'm lacking of skills of sharing my deep feeling with anybody; including my parents. In the end, I will just back to Him and say to my ownself that I have Him.
Today, two persons (Dr Azila and my classmate) brought two different questions but lead to one predictable answer; which is passion.
For me to enter the field of medicine is not solely my choice. It is not definitely and purely because I want to become a physician, with the doctor's salary and title. I can give a minor conclusion here that is; I just want to be someone which I know I still can tell anyone; yeah I'm a .......(someone).
I have no definite aims or obejctives or goals for becoming a doctor. It is because I'm chosen into this field and that's why I'm doing this. I'm reading, reciting, memorizing and I do all those things med student will do for a success. I just follow the flow and that's what makes me hate myself, for being pathetic.
A question which make me cry (as it is weird for me to cry and it has been long time since I cried) today is,
Is there any passion in myself that will make me continue being a med student with full of curiosity, thoughtful, and thinking beyond what I should know?I lack of passion which drag me down to the earth. I'm just being a nice student which I follow all the rules, finishing tutorials, not skipping any lectures, and that's it. That it is and I realized I lack of passion in myself. That is the question asked by Dr Azila today, are you really want to be a doctor? How you can be a doctor when you lack of passion?
It is a question for myself, for me to rethink, reconstruct, renew the intention of entering this field. It is a BIG question for me since my interview day before joining this faculty. It really is.