I've been asking myself a lot of 'why' questions and if I'm supposed to write it all here, it's 'list-less', too many for me to write all those. Somehow, I told most of my problems to a friend whom I love and she answered it really well, yeah at least for me.
Because Allah wants to keep you by His side; keep repenting, feeling you are full of sins, make Him as your first thing to remember in hard times and not, keep praying and wishing to Him. It is because Allah loves you more than you imagine.Lacking of 'tazkeerah', the reminder itself makes me forgetful. Back then in my former school, we were continuously being reminded to have faith, back to Allah, turn down all problems to Him and not forget to be greatful every single days. I got the tazkeerah every day, that I felt I'm 'used' to the words and advices.
The words of Allah; 'fastaqim kama umirt' which I still get goosebumps when hearing of those words really give me impact. However, now I have to struggle every seconds; by myself to get the spirit, the reminder and all. Yeah, can't agree more when they said; you appreciate things more when it is not in your hands.