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202 - april and 'me' time

Hi April! Weeks passed since I last write here. It's getting busier even though the clinical year has yet to come. Opened up lappy for a PBL browsing but ending up writing here; with an assignment  about typhoid fever being left out. Excuse my laziness, friends. 

Years before, I would cringe my fingers, tingling all over my body when someone comes and talk about future -- marriage. But last night, I was with my friends and we talked (maturely, I guess) about marriage. And magically, I don't even cringe and scream myself out. That's weird, I would say to myself. My friends and I talked for about two hours regarding this topic; and the questions asked by my friends that keep lingering in my mind is,
How to know that he is the one? How to know that he likes you? How to know that he is being serious?
Seriously, I believe everyone has a crush on someone; it's just that you show it or not. To have a courage to say it out loud and bravely; is my weakness. Maybe I did wonder that his 'you' is me, and maybe he did wonder if my 'you' is him. Both don't express; and both end up with disappointment and sadness. Honesty and courage is align; they are both needed in expressing feelings. 

Islam taught us many ways in managing our feelings and thoughts. And that's the work of istikharah. When a believer unable to decide what will be beneficial to him My school friends once said; istikharah is not only for choosing and sorting your feelings about your future partner. Istikharah is best done everyday as every second, people needs decision on what to do, how to manage some works and tasks and much more. Within its dua';
O Allah, if you know that this deed will be beneficial to me, to my religion, to my livelihood and to the ed of my doing, then you make it fixed for me and make it easy; therefore give on it abundance for me.
Or if you know that it would be harmful to me, to my religion, to my livelihood and to the end of my doing, then you take it back from me and also keep me away from it, and you decide for me good, wherever that may be, therefore make me happy with that.
The dua' is beautiful. A believer should not having inclination or impulse to particular direction before he seeks guidance from Allah. Allah will help. That's His promise. Let's do this, Aimi!

201 - a sharing to heal your pain

Our iman is not constant. Sometime we feel more close with Allah SWT and sometime we don’t. So when you feel your iman is low turn to Allah SWT and ask for His help. Don’t leave salaah; it’s the foundation and it helps to strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT.
The emptiness that we feel can only be filled with the love of Allah SWT. When we try to fill that emptiness with something else that can be a love for a person, wealth etc. then it will cause great pain in the end. When we love something more than Allah SWT then it will cause greatest pain. So strive to get closer to Allah SWT.
“Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness”
(Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah)
Following are some tips that may help you in shaa Allah.
1. Fix your prayers. Don’t ever leave salaah. This is the best act to pray salaah at the fixed time.
2. Be dutiful to your parents. Be good with them for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Love them and spend quality time with them.
3. The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if it is small.
4. Be good with people for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala.
5. Be patient when something goes wrong and don’t get angry. Patience is difficult to do but it has countless reward.
6. Make habit of doing dhikr all the time. It will help in shaa Allah.
7. Send blessing upon Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.
8. Gain knowledge and try to implement in your life.
9. Implement Sunnah in your daily life.
10. Make lots of dua. Ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala to help us to do deeds that will please Him  and grant us jannah and save us from punishment of Hell.
11. Spread Salaam when you meet a Muslim say Assalamu Alaikum.
12. Never think you are better than others. Always be humble
13. Don’t get jealous and pray for others
14. Be happy with Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala decree and always be thankful. It will increase your blessings in shaa Allah.
I hope it will be helpful. May Allah guide us to the straight path.
-credit : islamicrays

200 - a tribute to my weak heart

Tell your heart; it's going to be okay.

Tell your heart; it's going to be alright.
Tell your heart; it's not forever.
Tell your heart; all these will pass.
Tell your heart; to keep being strong.
Tell your heart; your patience is rewarded.
Tell your heart; it's okay to cry out loud.
Tell your heart; it's not weak to drop tears.
Tell your heart; be close to Him.
Tell your heart; it's going to be worth it.
Tell your heart; you are not alone, He is here.
Tell your heart; your iman can be up and down.
Tell your heart; you have Him.
Tell your heart; the people you hate bleed too.
Tell your heart; the people you love bleed too.
Tell your heart; appreciate your closest people.
Tell your heart; it's a great pain but you can endure it.
Tell your heart; you are strong to come to this far.
Tell your heart; worldly life is temporary.
Tell your heart; hereafter is forever.
Tell your heart; to move on.
Tell your heart; there are many more to discover.
Tell your heart; it is time to let go.
Tell you heart; you will keep bad things as a lesson.
Tell your heart; you will keep good things as a memory.
Tell your heart;

199 - a late one :')


I bet this will be such a long entry, so for those who are not free and quite busy; please skip my blog as your reading lists. I will be recapping my journey of my teens; going back to an old me who loves to express everything.
It's the other day which 'I'm not so free but I want an escape'. Of tasks, books and revisions.
Wow, such a lot of drafts since 2016;
oh well here it come 2017, another year of hopes and joys. Well, I should be wishing happy 2017 even though it's already 21st of January (sigh, I missed it because I got fever on the very first day of 2017. My antibodies are not that strong huh and I've got too much things to do-- which I regret on some of them)

Flashing back to year 2016, I have written 24 entries and that was a huge decline from years before. I must be missing my old-school ways of writing. In the old times, I used to write and tell everything in this blog; from the moment when I was injected with Rubella vaccines for the first time to a slight fall in my class which caused laughter to the whole class. Well, I was a good writer, I guess. Time passed by and I am getting older and matured (hopefully), I think I write less, day by day. I've bought a journal (it's not a planner), and on this day 21st of Jan, the journal is still free of inks and as white as your telekung prayer. Rewinding back to my secondary school, I even have diaries of the year. I hope those diaries are still there in my safe-box and my mom does not throw them away. Look, I was such a writer back then haha. (I must put 'read and write more' as one of my 2017 goals *sigh)

'Hi Aimi of 2017, how are you? What have you been?'

Lately, those are my questions in my head. For me to be able to remember this particular moment, I'm telling and writing to myself, to me who will read this entry on next year (I wish); Hi, I am Aimi and I'm already on my third year of medical school (3 more years to embrace), Alhamdulillah, all praises and thanks to Allah I did well (but not that excellent) on my first third year final exam last year. I'm getting into my second week of my 6th semester and I'm currently browsing and searching for a motivation for me to keep my body and mind strong for another battle this year, my second professional exam. (make du'a for me)

Here is me, whenever I open up my laptop for my assignments, I would add up the drafts, so it's getting longer and longer for this post. This paragraph is on 26th of February while the above paragraph was on 21st January; Wow! A month gap. A month gap means it's getting nearer to my mid semester examination; yeah 8 days to go. Actually I got so many things to write, so many to express, so many to tell but most of them are written down in my journal. I wish I have the courage to share those writings :')

198 - it will be okay

"Selamat terus berjuang dengan hatimu sendiri.
Selamat terus berkata kepada Tuhanmu,
aku akan berjuang lagi.
Aku akan mencuba lagi menjadi lebih baik dari semalam."
-Umairah Shafie-

Untuk yang pernah jatuh, jatuh dari apa-apa pun, mari kita sama-sama kuat. Jatuh seribu kali, bangun juga perlu seribu kali. Sekalipun, kau berdiri bangun penuh luka, sekurangnya kau bergerak meninggalkan tempat penuh duri itu. 

Bak kata Kak Farah,
Jatuh bangun manusia mungkin tak mampu difahami manusia yang lain. 
Kerana jatuh bangun itu bukan untuk mereka.
Maka, ajarkan hatimu;
'Tak apa, teruskan mencuba.'
Seribu kali, sejuta kali pun,
Keep breaking, keep being fixed.
Break again, being fixed again.

It's okay.
It will be okay.

Kata Hassan al Banna;
Dakwah itu satu perjuangan.
And it's not only your life that you put at stake.
So, even if you have to drag your feet and walk,
You'll do it.
And somewhere along those lines,
He'll give you a smile, as a gift.

I beg for strength to hold on.
Because none of it is mine to begin with.
With patience and prayers,
I'll get Home soon won't I?

197 - it's been a while

for being imperfect, that is human.

you wish for a perfect day without any flaws, angers, and sorrow but it turns out vice versa.

it’s normal, my dear.

for being imperfect, indeed is for human.

how well you planned your day, 

but because you are a imperfect human who planned,

Allah the perfect one, knows how it will be going; well or bad.

how well you planned your week,

but because you are human full of flaws,

Allah planned it better for you; in many ways.

how well you planned your life,

but because you are a human,

ask, pray, and beg Him to give you the best,

as He knows what’s the best for you.

195 - sangka yang baik-baik sahaja

Seperti yang Allah kata;
Bersangka baiklah dengan Dia. Dia adalah sangkaan hambaNya.

Apabila diuji untuk berduka sedih dengan ujian Dia, hamba itu mendongak ke langit lalu berkata kenapa dirinya diuji. Namun, setelah tertitisnya hujan tiba-tiba, dari redup awan yang mula menutup sang mentari; dia mulai menangis keesakan. Bukanlah kerana terlalu sedih atas ujian diberi Pencipta, tetapi dia berduka kerana sangkaan liarnya kepada Dia. Tersedar hamba itu dek titis-titis hujan, di mana turunnya hujan itu pula kerana arahan Dia juga; untuk memberi peluang hamba itu kembali kepada Pencipta, melalui hidayah yang tidak disangka-sangka arahnya. Aduh, kenapa hamba itu harus bersangka yang bukan-bukan kepada Tuhan? Tuhan lebih tahu, yang dalam serta yang tersurat pada isi manusia seluruhnya.

Manis bukan teguran Tuhan? Ini hanyalah salah satu contoh yang hamba itu telah lalui, dan aku pasti sekalian manusia lain diberi hidayahNya dalam pelbagai cara.

194 - yes, i'm okay

The tears never stop. She has to sob hiddenly sometimes. You know the feeling when you have no one supporting you, no one holding on you, no one expecting anything from you; she is facing it. She is merely a person who also has feelings. She thought by being strong, smiling in front others would make her hearts stronger and braver; which however it's not. She struggles alone, being expecting for her own, being judging by her own. She needs supports but she aimlessly saying it's not that all. She end up crying in the corner of the class silently, sobbing painfully clenching her chest; hoping that the pain would solve it all. She is in severe; which she cannot even express herself anymore.

Someone would ask her, "Are you okay?"
Expectedly, she would answer, "Yes, I'm okay."
Silently, she clenched her hands saying those words.

193 - pray for me for being stronger

It starts with shaking in your words, holding up your tears from falling.

It follows with your teary eyes starting to roll up looking to the skies.

It ends with a smile with your teardrops which are falling.
You are strong, but not every time.
You have to lose to your tears to make you stronger.
Be stronger by crying, dear you.

192 - hakuna matata

Sometimes it's not the hardships and trials that make you realize how low your imaan has been and how desperately you need Allah and need to return to Him.
Sometimes, it's the blessings. Sometimes it's the outpour of blessings. Sometimes you just look around you and nothing has changed but you look around and you fall to your knees thinking, I don't deserve this. How merciful is your Rabb that you can go on this spiral of heedless sins and yet Allah holds back from taking it all away.

Pay attention. Be mindful of your time, Aimi.
The best way to show your gratefulness is through obedience and remembrance.

Yesterday was microbiology, today was pathology and tomorrow will be pharmacology minitest. Pray for my willingness and pure intentions in studying and learning the knowledge of Allah.

'Belajar apa-apa bidang pun susah. Renew your intention, Aimi.
Bak kata senior-senior KISAS dulu; 'keterpaksaan melahirkan keikhlasan'.

Aimi, you can do this! *bicepsemoji* *ingatsenangkenakcarimotivation*

191 - the message from her whom i love

The sight of happily graduating friends sometimes did hurt me. Haha. I'm being too jealous right now; for them who will be graduating soon. I'm still in my 3rd year of medical school, which means 3 years to go. While they are going to be working women, and I will still be a struggling student who is trying to digest the thick, full medical books. It's okay. I'm prepared for that. *bicepsemoji*

Nahh, that's not the point today. Heh. Recently, I was in a very bad situation. Well, it was really difficult for me to handle, that's why I'm saying it was bad. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I got an inspiring message from her whom I love saying this;
Everything in life is temporary. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light - you are reminded of this every morning. So, if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won't last forever. If things are bad, don't worry because it won't last forever too. Just because life isn't easy at the moment, doesn't mean you can't laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn't mean you can't smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it, and make the best of it.

Feeling better afterward, all praises to Allah. Remember, every little struggle is a step forward. Thank you, Farah for 'sudden' message which is very inspiring! I love you! *heartemoji*


189 - sebab tidak semua mampu

Lin : Ain, aku jealous la.

Ain : Jealous for?

Lin : Aku jealous dengan orang yang dapat melancong sana-sini. Like seriously, bestnya hidup diorang.

Ain : Kau kuis tanah pasir ni kena dekat aku la! Sana sikit. Ada batu kat sini. Sakit.

Lin : Oh sorry.
Kau tak jealous ke dengan orang yang dapat melancong, jalan-jalan, relax-relax pergi tengok tempat orang, pergi negara orang. *baling batu dalam air*

Ain : Cuba kau baling jadi lompat-lompat tu. Macam dalam drama. Hehe. Meh aku try. *baling batu dalam air*
Hmmm, bukan aku tak jealous. Sape je yang tak jealous? Aku pernah sampai termimpi-mimpi nak pergi Jepun. Haha. *jeda*
Satu je tapi, aku tahu aku tak mampu, Lin.

Lin : Kan? Macam mana la diorang boleh ada duit pergi melancong? Tu mesti duit parents dorang ada support jugak tu. Parents aku? Hmmph, memang tak la. Nak jalan-jalan dalam Malaysia pun belum tentu nak support.

Ain : Tak salah Lin. Kau takleh compare parents kau dengan parents diorang. Memang duit yang diorang ada diorang kena guna. Apa salahnya diorang pergi melancong sebab diorang ada banyak duit?

Lin : Ye la. Aku tahu. Tapi, kan bagus kalau diorang menderma ke, buat masjid ke, plan something yang bagus untuk umat Islam ke? Eceh, macam ustazah dah aku. Wakaka.

Ain : Aku calonkan kau jadi pentazkirah la untuk slot hujung minggu ni, boleh?

Lin : Weh, janganlah. Kau calonkan aku, aku calonkan kau balik. Jangan mengada-ngada eh. Haha.

Ain : Alahhh, saje je nak kacau kau. *jeda*
Kita tak pernah tahu apa orang kaya buat sampai diorang boleh masuk syurga, Lin. Dan mereka tak tahu apa orang kurang kaya buat sampai boleh masuk syurga. Sebab tu, kita tak boleh nak judge orang kaya yang selalu pergi melancong jalan-jalan sana-sini tu memang sejenis menghabiskan duit je. Kita tak tahu, maybe diorang ada menderma dalam diam, tolong anak yatim or something that can give them big amount of rewards from Allah. Kita tak pernah tahu, Lin. Kita mungkin akan judge orang miskin, eh silap, orang kurang kaya macam-macam dengan kekurangan kekayaan diorang. Tapi kita tak tahu, kekurangan kebusyan mereka dalam hidup, kekurangan masa untuk dunia diorang penuh dengan zikir-zikir yang memberatkan timbangan kat akhirat. Kita tak tahu tu, Lin.

Lin : Ohh. Haha. Tu la. *senyumpahit*
Tapi aku tetap jealous dengan orang yang dapat melancong. Kan Ain? *kuis pasir*

Ain : Kann. Aku pun jealous. Rasa jugak nak pergi satu dunia. Aku siap ada wish list countries aku nak pergi dah Lin. Tapi, aku tahu aku tak mampu. Dan kadang-kadang aku pergi tempat yang aku rasa best, aku sampai bermegah-megah cakap kat korang yang aku pergi situ. Sebab tu kot...

Lin : Sebab apa?

Ain : Sebab tu kot, aku masih tak dapat pergi countries yang ada dalam wish list aku. Sebab niat aku salah. Niat aku awal-awal adalah nak bagi tahu orang, I have been there. Aku dah pergi situ, best or whatsoever. Niat aku, adalah sekadar nak bermegah-megah. Kan Lin?

Lin : Hmmm. Betul jugak. Kadang-kadang niat awal kita affects our wishes, prayers kan? Niat yang sepatutnya mengembara menghargai tengok ciptaan Allah dah jadi niat yang lain, yang tak sepatutnya. Patutla, aku pun ada jugak terniat macam tu. Patutla kita tak pernah ke mana. Haha.

Ain : Haha. Lawak la kau. *ketawa* *jeda*

Aku rasa, kita tahu apa yang kita mampu and apa yang kita tak. Beyond that, kita doa pada Allah. Niat betul-betul, yakinlah satu hari nanti mesti Allah kabulkan bila niat kita betul-betul tak menyimpang. Yakin yang satu hari nanti, Allah bagi peluang kat kita untuk kita do something yang betul-betul kerana Dia.


Yakinlah, Allah akan memberimu peluang. *doa*

‏Pokok Sena

188 - they asked me

People I love ask me why did I stop writing.

I didn’t stop. My writings are there; lecture notes, the corner of books, the sketches in papers, the notes in phone, the scribbles in assignments, the doodles in the tablet. Some of my writings may also on the net, where I want to share it.

I didn’t stop. I learn that some things are better left unsaid. Some things are not meant to be shared. Some things are better kept in a space where people can’t see it.

I didn’t stop. It is just that; I chose what I want to share. Because people may judge me for having too many flaws, which is not good. Because people are human beings where judgements are always being done.

I didn’t stop. I’m a human too, where I think too much about others’ feelings.

Yeah, I didn’t stop writing. *smile*

187 - friendship

Ain : Boleh tak kita baik-baik je? Macam dulu?
Min : Kenapa? Dulu kita tak baik-baik ke? Kita ada gaduh eh?
Ain : Min... Kau pun tahu kita dulu tak macam ni.
Min : Entah. Aku rasa kita okay je macam mana pun.


Min : Entahlah. Aku dah tawar hati nak berkawan dengan Ain weh.

Anis : Dah kenapa pulak dengan korang berdua ni?

Min : Entahlah. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku macam ni. Kami dua orang tak buat apa-apa pun, cuma rasa macam masa menjarakkan.

Anis : *jeda 5 saat*
Sebab kau sayang dia, kau jadi macam ni.

Min : Maksud kau?

Anis : Ada sebab kau luah kat aku hari ni. Kau bagitahu aku sebab kau care, kau bagitahu sebab kau taknak hilang dia as a friend.

Min : Mungkin ya, Nis. Tapi, aku tak rasa seronok nak berkawan dengan dia. Kadang-kadang every words yang dia cakap, aku rasa nak tutup telinga je, kau tahu tak? Dia care pasal aku, dia told her story kat aku, but I don't feel like want to listen pun. Feels like I just don't want to hear her voices. At all.

Anis : Bukannya apa, Min. Aku ni bukan sape-sape Min. Tapi aku rasa sebab hati kau kotor, Min. Biasa la, aku pun. Aku tak kata yang aku ni baik, cuma aku kenal kau lama dah weh. You are very nice and kind. Kau block every kindness yang sepatutnya lembutkan hati, dekatkan hati kau dengan dia. Hati yang kotor, senang je nak cuci sebab hati tu belum rosak lagi. Sebelum hati jadi rosak, cuci hati kau dengan istighfar. Bila kau rasa nak marah je, istighfar. Aku tahu, nasihat cikai aku ni tak buatkan kau marah, sebab aku tahu kau baik dan kau suka benda baik-baik.

Min : *tears* *jeda 10 saat*
Kenapa aku dah tak macam yang dulu? Kenapa aku dah jadi tak baik? Masalah yang sepatutnya aku boleh uraikan, aku perbesarkan. Nis, aku dah berubah ke? Aku dah tak baik ke?

Anis : No, kau still baik, and kau akan terus baik. Atas dunia ni, ujian Allah bagi kat setiap orang tak pernah sama. Ada yang Allah uji dengan ibu bapa, harta, position, boyfriend, husband. Tu pun lain-lain situasi untuk setiap orang. Untuk kau, Allah uji dengan ukhwah, friendship. Allah ada cakap, Dia akan uji orang yang beriman.

Min : Tapi...

Anis : Kau berjaya Min, in shaa Allah. Kau feels like you have to change yourself, back to God, and back for good. That's one of the steps. Doa pada Allah, lembutkan hati dia dan lembutkan hati kau. Aku percaya, kau boleh Min.

Min : Thanks Nis. Bestnya jadi kau. Maybe kau ada problems, tapi kau kuat je. Jelesnyaa. Huhu

Anis : *jeda 5 saat* *senyumpahit* Yup, sebab aku rasa aku kena kuat. Aku ada problem macam orang lain jugak. Cuma, lain caranya Allah solve the problem. *senyum*


Min : Ain, jom keluar. Tengok Zootopia.
Ain : Jom. Nak ajak sape lagi eh?
Min : This time, kita dua orang je la, lama dah tak keluar berdua. Haha.
Ain : Wahh, pelik kau ni. Ada apa-apa ke?
Min : Ada something aku nak confess. Eh, silap bukan confess, tapi clarify. *wink*


Sebab Allah sayang, Allah uji. Fighting, bittaufiq semua!

Syawal ke-18 (birthday)
Pokok Sena

186 - kenapa Allah beri rindu


Kata Kak Umairah,

"Selamat terus berjuang dengan hatimu sendiri.
Selamat terus berkata kepada Tuhanmu,
aku akan berjuang lagi.
Aku akan mencuba lagi menjadi yang lebih baik dari semalam."

Allahu. Sudah menginjak ke fasa masa lapang yang aku takutkan. Sudah selesai satu peperiksaan besar dan masih menanti keputusan. Moganya baik-baik sahaja, ya Allah. Fasa masa lapang ini aku sangat takut, tambah-tambah dalam bulan Ramadhan pula. Harapnya tidak terpengaruh dan terhibur dengan hiburan dunia sahaja. Moga aku kuat untuk istiqamah.

Usai aku berbuka puasa dua hari lepas di luar bersama dua orang sahabatku, kami segera bergegas ke sebuah masjid di Ampang Jaya. Disebabkan aku yang sudah dahulu selesai dalam solat, aku menunggu mereka di dalam kereta bertemankan ayat al-Quran dari Sheikh Mishary. Aku memerhati masjid dan sekelilingnya. Allahu, alangkah cantik dan gah masjid ini, meriah pula. Kanak-kanak yang majoritinya bukan dari Malaysia tetapi dari negara Timur Tengah ini telah menarik perhatianku. Mereka sangat gembira dengan Ramadhan. Berbuka puasa mereka seperti hari kebesaran. Senyuman mereka seperti di hari aidilfitri. Makanan mereka kelihatan enak seperti dimasak bonda mereka.

Terpandang pula aku kepada kubah masjid. Dan tidak semena-mena mengalir air mataku. Hatiu rasa berat, seolah-olah ada yang kosong. Aku tidak punya sebab kenapa air mataku boleh gugur tanpa sedar. Lama aku memerhati, telah hatiku, hatiku mungkin cuma rindu.

Rindu dengan masjid, rindu dengan suara imam mengetuai makmum, rindu suara penghuni masjid yang membaca al-Quran, rindu untuk berdiri di dalam saf yang panjang, rindu untuk menyalami ibu-ibu dan nenek-nenek, rindu untuk bersandar di dinding dan membaca ayat-ayat Allah, rindu untuk mengerjakan tahlil, rindu meng'pass' tabung derma di masjid, rindu berselindung di balik tiang besar menunggu ayah keluar masjid, rindu untuk sembunyikan kasut bimbang kehilangan, rindu dengan suasana tenang dan aman di dalam masjid, rindu dengan tertidur menunggu emak menghabisi tarawih 20 rakaat, rindu dengan azan masjid yang sangat dekat terasa apabila berada di dalamnya ketiza azan berkumandang, dan rindu-rindu lain yang aku tidak terungkapkan. Sungguh, aku sangat rindu.

Aku menangis teresak-esak selama beberapa minit. Mungkin salah satu faktornya memang aku rindukan ahli rumah. Dan aku fikir faktor utama ialah;
Aku jauh daripada Allah. Untuk merungkai jawapan kenapa Allah beri rindu itu; Allah mahukan aku dekat kepadaNya.

Dan.... sedar atau tidak,

Kita, banyak sangat benda kena buat kan?
Banyak sangat.
Nak nangis rasa. Tak larat nak memikir.

Tapi, Allah sayang. Sebab Allah sumber kekuatan, sebab Allah sebenar-benar sumber keteguhan, kecekalan dan ketabahan.

Nak jumpa Allah dengan hati cantik kan?
Heart, stay soft yet strong, okay?

*ada gaya kak farah punya sikit haha*
*doakan result proexam*

Ramadhan Kareem

185 - let the month heals you

Ramadan ke-13.

"Sebab Allah sayang Aimi, Allah bagi ujian yang Aimi rasa Aimi tak dapat go through, tapi Allah dah kuatkan Aimi untuk face it. Bersabarlah, sikit je lagi."

Kata-kata itu, keihklasan itu; lahir dari hati yang inginkan aku tenang. Dari hati yang inginkan aku kembali pada Dia. Dari hati yang inginkan agar aku luah pada Dia. Aku boleh lakukan sesuatu dengan usahaku, tapi Allah sudah mengatur cara hidupku, Allah pengatur cara segala sesuatu. Usaha kerana Allah, doa pada Allah, minta pada Allah, yakin ketentuan Allah. Semua itu bukan cliche, kerana itu adalah sebenar-benar cara. Terima kasih kamu kerana menenangkan hati yang tertekan pilu menghadapi fatrah peperiksaan.

"The best way out is always through." --Robert Frost

Setiap kali datangnya hujan, ia akan kembali berhenti. Setiap kali kita terluka, ia akan kembali sembuh seperti sedia kala. Setiap kali kita melalui malam yang gelap, kita berjumpa pagi yang cerah kembali. Dalam kehidupan, kesabaran bukanlah mengenai penantian. Kesabaran adalah mengenai kemampuan kita untuk tetap dalam sikap kita yang baik ketika dalam perjalanan.

Jangan takut, untuk bangun semula. To try again, to love again, to live again and to dream again. Jangan biarkan pengajaran hidupmu yang susah, mengeraskan hatimu. Life's best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. Ada satu masa, kita rasa semuanya tidak menjadi seperti yang diinginkan hati, semuanya tersalah aturan. Tapi, ingatlah, Allah dah ukir laluan hidup kita ni, cantik sangat. Sampai satu tahap, kita terlupa untuk bersyukur.

Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. You have Allah by your side to hear you. Even if you fall short, keep going. Keep growing. Marilah kita kuat untuk Dia, untuk keluarga, untuk ummah dunia. Bila semuanya rasa susah, ingatilah diri sendiri, no pain comes without a purpose. Teringat kak anith pernah pesan dalam dorm, semua ini ada hikmahnya. Hikmah yang tersembunyi, yang Allah akan buka pada suatu hari nanti.

Yakin dengan Allah, jom! Alhubbu yasud, fallahu wadud -- Love will prevail, for Allah is The Most Loving.

Ramadan Kareem

184 - cerita itu

Kadang apa yang dirancang seringkali diuji dengan kegagalan dalam pelaksanaan. Maka, apa kita menyalahkan Allah? Tidak. Pada kebiasaannya, kita manusia yang leka dan lupa; untuk menyelitkan kata inshaaAllah dalam setiap janji.

Seperti sahaja dalam surah al-Qalam yang aku baru sahaja tasmik pada ustazah minggu lepas;

“Lalu kebun itu ditimpa bencana (yang datang) daripada Tuhanmu ketika mereka sedang tidur.” -Al-Qalam:19

Pada ayat sebelumnya, mereka kaum petani/pekebun terlupa untuk menyebut inshaaAllah. Letak kebergantungan kepada tuhan itu kosong, lalu Allah uji mereka. Senyum; kerana mereka kembali meminta ampun kepada Allah pada ayat-ayat seterusnya.

Cerita ini, cerita iktibar. Cerita yang mungkin bisa membawa pengajaran kepada yang mahu; untuk mereka yang ikhlas untuk mengambil ibrah.
Senyum. Lagi.

183 - it's qadr and not luck

Maan! I won the lottery!

I got the first prize in a raffle draw! I’m so lucky!
 Ever heard someone you know saying this? And after that they give you this very emotional story of how they’ve won or how they got the prizes they’ve won?

Or ever seen Muslims who abide with these lucky charms or go copy the rituals of nonbelievers when it comes to asking for rizq, they do lottery, they put green stuff in their house for luck even statues to lure in luck…Astagfirullah.
They do everything but raising their hands to make du’a to Allah.
And when you try to tell them they should make du’a rather than doing those, they answer you back with “intention is in the heart.” Astagfirullah.

I will not go deeper in this issue, rather I want to enlighten you with a story about how when someone makes Allah Azza Wa Jall his guarantor in this dunya, things become easy for him and there is ease in situations that he or she goes through.
It might sound as if it is not related to the lottery stuff, but read on and in sha Allah we can all ponder about the soul striking event that took place in this story.

     Abu Hurairah Radiyallahu Anhu said that the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam related the story of a person who asked another person to lend him one thousand dinars. 

     When the lender asked him to bring a few witness, the borrower said: “Allah is enough as a witness.”
Then the lender asked him to bring someone who could stand as a guarantor, the borrower replied: “Allah is enough as a guarantor.”

     The lender agreed and gave him the loan for a fixed period.
The borrower went on sea voyage and carried out his business. When he had made his money and looked for a boat to return home to pay the lender at the specified time, he could not find one. So he took a log of wood, split it, put the money inside the cavity with a letter addressed to the lender, and sealed it.

     Then he stood on the seashore and prayed to Allah, saying, “O Allah, you know well I took a loan from so-and-so. When he asked me for a guarantor for the loan, I mentioned Your name. I tried my best to find a boat so that I could sail back home and pay him the loan but I could not find any. Now I entrust the money to You.”

     On the day when the specified period of the loan was over, the lender went to the sea, to look for a ship that would bring the borrower to pay him back. As he looked out to the sea, he saw a log of wood floating on the waves. He picked it up thinking he would use it later as fuel. When he reached his home, he split it to burn it, and discovered the one thousand dinars and the letter.

     A few days later, the borrower came home and brought him a further one thousand dinars. The lender asked him: “Did you send me something?” 
The borrower replied: “I told you I could not find a ship.” 
The lender said: “Allah conveyed to me the money you deposited with Allah in trust. Take back one thousand dinars and go home in peace.”

Subhan’Allah. The beauty of having Allah to witness everything that we do. Alhamdulillah.
It was not by luck that the piece of log came to the lender and definitely it was not by chance that he took it.

As Muslims, we do not believe in luck and chances, we believe in the Qadr of Allah Azza Wa Jall.
It was written.
It was written that the log of wood be handed to the lender and that the lender would see and read what was meant for him.
This is only one of the grandeurs of having Allah as our Guarantor and Witness in things that we do, so make it count.

Remember, the beauty we get from this oath of having Him as Guarantor and Witness can also have a reciprocal of ugliness and that only comes when we do not do what we say or we do not commit to something we said we have committed.

Indeed, Allah is All Knowing and All Aware. [49:13]

Also, see how the lender did not take advantage of the borrower, he could have easily taken the other one thousand dinars, but he did not, why? because He knows Allah was the Witness and Guarantor.
It’s sad how people are so easy to swear in the name of Allah these days, I hope anyone who does so, knows the weight and impact that this simple act can bring to you both in this dunya and especially in your grave.

And we pray that Allah Azza Wa Jall enlightens everyone’s heart on trusting Him than taking chances on things that do not guarantee us of anything.